Who I Used To Be?
by Milkingcows
Summary: Demons and Angels, paired up together for eternity by a forbidden vow. One day, a particular angel wants to know her demon's history, and he finds that he does not want her to know.


The new season came with it's 'Spring Showers', preparing the cold ground and plants for the change in temperature. In all honesty, Len enjoyed this season the best out of all of them. Summer was a time for angsty kids to get into trouble, yes, and winter made it easy for people to die of freezing to death or slipping and hitting their head, however, spring was a time that most people went out to enjoy themselves. They wanted to be happy towards the season of renewal. Which was another reason why people died more in the spring than they did in other seasons in this town: because demons found a particular fun in tormenting poor mortals.

Len sat on the swing at the park, watching the kids as they played on the monkey bars. Before, he would have so mercilessly ended up killing them, giving them ideas to perhaps climb a tree and swing from the limbs as though they were a monkey. Or maybe making them fall in general and hitting their head on the slide that was right near them. However, now was a different time. He had to resist his urges to kill. In fact, he could not even hurt mortals. All because of a certain promise he had made.

Rui.

That angel.

Blue eyes lowered and landed on the inside of his arm, tracing the tattoo that forever marked their bond. This was eternity, he was talking about. Eternity he would spend with the angel that had vowed to protect him from any other angel that tried to kill him. Before her, stupid humans used to believe that he was a serial killer that killed without even the slightest hint or pattern of who he killed. Women, men, children, elders, toddlers... most particularly teens around the age of nineteen, though no one had been safe.

However, Rui came along.

Rui changed him.

Changed this demon into someone _good_- He was _not_ good. No, he had not been close to thinking that. He was not close, he would never be good. He could still cause chaos. He could still whisper into someone's ear and control them like putty in his hands. He still had the seductive voice that could melt any virgin's heart, man or woman. He was the charming Romeo, he was ladies' Prince Charming, he was the perfect man for any person. People would fall in love with him at first sight, not expecting his true intentions.

After they had fallen for him, he would turn and he would give them every pleasure they could ever want to experience, never feeling it in return because it was never someone that he wanted, though he would still do it anyway, make a horrible habit of granting chaos, having sex, and doing it in repeat over and over. However, it wasn't a horrible habit. He was evil. He was not good. He cursed, he cheated, he felt lust, he felt envy, he could be horribly wrathful when he wanted to be...

All caused by one person.

When his eyes happened to remove themselves from his arm and look up, he saw a beautiful girl walking towards him. Dressed in a different outfit than before and all the previous times, as if to mark her difference in him. She still managed to wear white and to wear it well, however, this time she wore a light gray vest over a white long-sleeved shirt. Perhaps she had guessed that today would rain, and decided to wear something different. She still wore her red converse and her white skinny jeans...

He never questioned her, lifting his tattooed arm and waving her over, a welcoming smile on his face.

Yellow eyes smiled for her, though he would love to see a smile on her face. All of her smiles affected him, now, because he liked to believe that all those smiles were going to be for him and for him only for the rest of time. Yes, he may be a demon, and he may hold a small amount of loathing towards her for making him become _good_ - damn it to_ hell_, he was not_ good_! -, however, he loved her, as he had proven a couple nights ago. Things may still be awkward from then, they having not sought out to speak of it directly to each other, but they were still talking, in the least.

Rui walked over and sat down on the swing next to him, not seeming to mind that she might get rust on the bright-white skinny jeans. He didn't care, as well. He simply pursed his lips and looked off towards the children again.

Now was about the time that the awkwardness started. They were just about always around each other, having duties to protect and fend off anyone who would want to cause physical or mental damage to the other, but however, when separated and then coming together again, the first couple minutes of silence is plain disturbing. Usually Len wouldn't feel this way, usually he would talk someone's ear off with how much chaos he had granted, bragging to Rui about how he had not directly hurt someone but taunted someone into doing so, but now he just felt bad whenever he did so. Perhaps that was the side effects of kissing her. These awkward silences as they tried to determine whether to talk as though they were friends or somewhat closer.

It was when Rui spoke that Len turned on the swing to look at her. "Yo,"

He started, blinking, before twisting around in his swing to try and cross the chains. If he did so enough, he would be able to spin around because of the twirled chains. "Hola," he replied right back, using a greeting from one of the many languages he knew.

A couple seconds passed of him twisting his swing around before she said something else. "Hey, Len, remember the other night...?"

Which one...?, he almost tested, but decided against it, smiling to himself. "The one with our heated kiss? Yeah, what about it?" He could read her mind as clearly as she could read his, it was not hard to do so. However, he did not probe through her thoughts like he usually would have. He wanted to be 'surprised' by her response.

And surprised he was. "What made you go to hell?"

Len took a couple minutes to try and process the question, even then trying to get it through to his mind that she had finally asked the question about why he went to hell. Why he became a demon, why he was here now, living eternally when he should have been six feet under and should have stayed there.

He then smiled, glancing towards her, shrugging his shoulders. "I've long forgotten."

* * *

><p><em>Obsessive Compulsive Disorder<em>. This was something that Len had originally refused to believe that he had. He could remember saying, over and over to his mother that he was not even close to that. However, if one were to watch him, they would have known the difference. He would twitch, sitting at the kitchen table eating his cereal, and when he was finished, he would go to the sink, wash his dish, before washing his hands. After closing the cereal box and putting that away, he would wash his hands again. Then, after that, he would check all the dials on the stove to make sure that they were all off.

He bit his nails when watching television, a habit he never usually realized he did, and then would bite the skin around his nails until he bled. It would always be his younger sister, Lenka, who would look up at him and inform him softly that his hands were bleeding, and then Len would go to wash them.

Every door around him had to be shut and locked, especially windows.

Rinto Kagamine was usually one to help the younger blonde out, taking the time to individually wrap every one of Len's fingers that were bleeding in a bandage, or brush his hair, or help him with homework. Rinto was the father figure of the house, their father having left out on them awhile back. Neru had went off the college years ago, and was still in college - in fact, her last year -, and their mother was usually busy with work. Rinto was lucky that he got out of high-school earlier than most people. He was lucky he was smart, that he had plans for the future, that he had a life stretched out in front of him.

And Len looked up to him. Len would smile that goofy smile of his that made girls giggle and blush and made Rinto himself feel content with their lives despite not having the most money, and then Len would practically beg him to draw a picture. Rinto had taken into the art profession, because Len had convinced him to, had given him proof that he was a great artist by shoving countless amounts of pictures in his face. Of course, how could one say 'no' to that adorable face?

Even when Len had been born, Rinto had never felt once ounce of hatred towards his younger brother. Rinto had loved him from the beginning, loved him like any brother would, cared for him and changed his diaper and talked to when it came time for 'Little Len' to grow up and become a teenager.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was nothing in Rinto's eyes. He found his little brother to be perfect, to be innocent, to be the greatest little brother someone could ever have. Len especially loved the attention he got.

The older he got, the farther apart they had gotten. Len went to middle school, Rinto entered his first year of high school. Len joined the basketball team, Rinto won an award for best artwork. Len entered high school, Rinto was already two years in. They were two years apart, and even if they were in the same school, they did not have the same academic interests. Rinto won more awards, in fact got scholarships to places, and Len became the best basketball player. When Rinto entered his last year of high school, Len was just becoming known. He was so good that at the next basketball team for their high school, scouts would be there.

'Little Len' with OCD and his perfection might become famous for his basketball skills, and Rinto was happy. However, he was hurting. Whenever he saw his little brother get a great grade and get hugged by mother, or play with Nero who was in sixth grade, Rinto would get an ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach. Whenever he saw his perfect little brother running down the court with agility and with a giant grin on his face as he made to dunk the basketball and did so, Rinto would bite his lower lip and resist the urge to cry out in frustration and pain. All of it was too disturbingly weird. He wanted to be happy for his little brother, he desperately did. He tried to be happy, he tried to smile, but after so long it hurt too much. Him and Len did not have that connection they originally had.

And within a year, Rinto would be gone - out of the picture, and Len would not even care.

Rinto could _not_ leave like that.

_Rinto could not leave with that impression_.

He decided that one night, he would chat like he usually did with his brother. They would be like best friends again, telling each other everything. Len could talk about basketball, could grin and ask for a picture from Rinto, and Rinto could gladly draw something for him.

_He wanted his brother back_.

_He wanted Len back... _though as far as he could tell, Len had never left.

A day where Nero was over at the library studying with his best friend, where mother was at work, and where Lenka was over their grandparents house, Rinto took the time to peel open an orange and walk to Len's room. He had knocked once, twice, before a voice told him to come in. And Rinto had followed.

His younger brother had been reading a book about Greek mythology, something Rinto had taken a great interest in back in tenth grade, but his head had lifted his head and looked towards the door with a spark of curiosity in his eyes. As soon as he saw that it was only his older brother, he set the book down on the bed, before his crossed legs, and smiled that goofy smile of his. "Rinto!" he had exclaimed, his eyes brighter than they had been seconds ago. "Are you going out as well? I had wanted someone home so that I wouldn't be so lonely..." the younger blonde had brought a finger to his lips and began chewing on the nail, staring. "...Huh, your shoes are off. You're not leaving me after all! Come in more!"

Rinto followed the directions obediently, shutting the door behind him. He pulled apart his freshly peeled orange as he walked over to the bed, though was stopped with Len's question.

"Can you lock it, Rinto-nii?"

The older blonde had nodded, turning back around and locking the door without a second though, popping an orange piece into his mouth. He turned once again and walked over to Len's bed, sitting down at the foot of it, tearing another piece of the orange and holding it out to Len.

A peace offering.

Len stared at it for a few seconds, looking a little startled, before looking up at his older brother and smiling more, if possible. He took the piece, placed it in his mouth and chewed slowly, never lowering his gaze from his older brother.

After so long of their silent staring-contest, Rinto had broken the silence, almost done his orange, now. "Len, we've got to talk."

The smile faded, immediately. "...What about, Rinto?"

The older male had unconsciously shifted towards his brother, handing him another piece of orange, before switching hands, handing him just in plain the rest of that orange. Len took this as a bad sign, taking a couple moment's time to try and reach for it. "Rinto-nii, what's wrong?"

Said male in question blinked his eyes rapidly. "You're so grown up."

Len leaned a little closer, as if he did not hear what was said. "_Hm_?"

Rinto felt the rest of the orange be taken from him and he stood up, throwing his own piece into the wastebasket. He shook his head, feeling the hair-clips holding his bangs up start to come undone. He pulled them out, setting them on the nightstand that was located next to Len's bed. "I'm going to be going away in a year." he mustered up quietly.

He could practically sense Len's nod. "...I know. It sucks, doesn't it? I can only hope I get into the same college as you." Rinto turned and got onto the bed again, this time in front of Len, and grabbed that hand away from his mouth. The finger was bleeding, skin torn off unintentionally, and Rinto gave a stern look at the younger male before him.

Len merely gazed at him with a _doe-caught-in-the-headlights _sort of stare, before glancing down at his finger, just now realizing that it was bleeding. "Oh," he said slowly, looking back at Rinto before making a move to get off the bed. "Let me wash that off-" He stopped himself abruptly when his finger was taken into Rinto's mouth and was sucked on. He froze in his actions, his mouth dropping open more than it had already been, eyes widening even farther. "...Oh."

Rinto's cheeks became hollow with how hard he sucked on that digit, and Len's face grew a bright red. "Rinto-nii, you trying to be a vampire?" Forced laughter at his own joke, quickly dying out with the intensity of the stare he was receiving. "...Ri-Rinto-nii, don't you have better things to be _sucking_?"

Any thread of sanity snapped, and Rinto pulled the finger out of his mouth. He gave his younger brother an apologetic stare, blinking rapidly once again, before tugging on the wrist he held. "Yes... I do have better things to be _sucking_."

Before Len could breath, talk, or even squeak out a reply, a pair of lips were crushing his own with brutal force, more of teeth than anything. It hurt, actually, the kiss, and he opened his mouth to hiss. That had been taken advantage of easily, his clumsy mistake of trying to open his mouth in one form or way, because a tongue quickly darted inside his mouth, first playing with his stilled tongue before tracing every corner and crevice of the younger male's mouth. It had tasted like bananas and melon gum.

Either Len had lost all control of his way of distraction or he did not want to hurt his brother, because he made not one move to try and bite Rinto's tongue that invaded his mouth, or did he try to push him away. He merely sat there, quiet whimpers and ragged breathing filling the empty silence of the locked room.

When Rinto did pull back, it was only to attach his lips to the other's ear, having his younger brother squirm with displeasure, or something similar. "Nii-san!" Len cried out much too loudly.

The eighteen year old placed his hand over his brother's mouth. "Shh," he breathed onto the ear, before biting the rim of it softly. "Be quiet, Len, Rinto has to try something."

Rinto did try something. He tried something until Len had finally given in, until the younger basketball prodigy had screamed but not in pain or horror. When he had screamed, Rinto had called him such naughty, _naughty_ things. It was sort of scary, how the ever-so-nice older brother Rinto Kagamine could be such a scary person when it came to this kind of stuff.

And after that night, they did not talk for days at a time.

Until the next time, where they found each other home and alone, did Rinto come in and defile Len more. Though, one couldn't be spoiled when already they had not been perfect. They had their innocence so harshly ripped away from them...

One particular night, Len hissed for Rinto to stop, and the older blonde had. "You _like_ it," Rinto had said, though. "Move your hand."

Len, having had his eyes closed, opened them and found himself shocked that both his hands were on Rinto; one pushing his jaw up, the other entwined between sweaty locks of air. He moved the hand that was underneath Rinto's jaw. "Rinto, stop, I-,"

The eighteen year old lowered his head and sunk his teeth deep into Len's neck, causing the younger sibling of the two to yell, shudder violently, and wrap both his arms around Rinto's shoulders, pulling him down closer.

"_I hate you_," growled the younger of the two, though his simple statement was ignored as Rinto had picked up where he left off.

* * *

><p>Days had gradually passed into weeks. Weeks into months. Eventually, it was summer, and summer flew by much too quickly without one embrace between Rinto and Len. By the end of that summer, Rinto was gone and out of his life, off to college, off to better places.<p>

Even then, Len had not realized how much he missed his old brother until his brother in general was gone.

Some of these things had not proven to be enough. Sure, Len was a great basketball player. Sure, he had great grades, had cool teachers, and had responsibility and trust at home. However, he wanted to be in charge. His mother refused to give it to him, though. Despite how good he was, despite how good he could prove himself to be, his mother didn't seem to trust him. She didn't want him to cook food for everyone, and so prepared it before-hand and told him and his siblings to heat it up in the microwave. That was far beyond annoying. In fact, it was hurtful.

He _yearned_ to be in control.

Was this what brother Rinto had felt?

How had brother Rinto felt when he first took Len and ravished him? Did he feel in control? Did he feel like he had power?

Him and Rinto were similar in thinking ways.

_Too similar_, too similar for Len's own good.

He had made the same stupid choices his older brother had made. Only he had done so to Lenka. She could not fight him off, she was too weak, looked up to him like a father aside from Rinto, who was now gone. She did not scream, she merely cried.

Len had felt in control, all right.

He had felt so good with himself as he had prepared himself a bowl of cereal. He had taken out the gallon of milk and poured it into his cereal and then ate his cereal. It had an odd taste, but he ignored it - it was probably because the cereal had been left open.

He hadn't known.

He hadn't known that the milk had been filled with anti-freeze. He had not cared to check... he had not seen the blue tint to it. And he would hadn't realized that it was his own little brother Nero who had gotten revenge for Lenka, had poisoned Len, had done it all because Len had not one suspicion.

_And then Len had died_.

* * *

><p>"-en? <em>Len<em>?"

Len focused again, raising an eyebrow at himself when he saw how his swing was untwisted. Perhaps he had lost track of his thoughts again, and let himself spin. Darn, he had been expected for some fun, there.

"Len, are you _okay_?"

The blonde focused his blue eyes on the girl who stood in front of him, clearly worried. She reached out a hand and touched his cheek slightly, and he shuddered, closing his eyes and gasping at the feeling that overwhelmed him. Nostalgia, mostly. "Len, I asked how you could have forgotten and you just blacked out on me! What happened?"

The demon opened his eyes and forced a smile, tilting his head up towards the sky that gradually grew darker. "Nothing... just some flashbacks of a previous life I had."

Rui seemed curious again, and seemed to forget her questions on his past. "Really? What of?"

Len looked at her and blinked just as his older brother had many times while in front of him. "...Of... some spoiled milk and cereal."

The skeptical look showed that she did not believe him with this.

He did not believe himself, even.


End file.
